I've been pronounced healthy and sound again, and all the blood tests came back normal, so at least I have the comfort of knowing that my body didn't somehow kill my baby. The pathologist's report was fairly useless, as it could find no probable cause of death other than probable chromisomal abnormalities, and possible cord accident. We did learn however that it wasn't a boy, it was a girl. I think I've come to terms with that, though... if you can name a girl Madisen, you can name a girl Emersen. She'll just have to be Emersen Pauline, I suppose. The best news though is that this will have no forseeable effect on any future pregnancies, as it was just bad luck - I had been having irrational terror of being
labeled "high risk" for the rest of my reproductive career, and am feeling quite relieved.
I have, unfortunately, developed an irrational terror of my obstetrician's waiting
room and the hospital, but with luck I should be able to work through that... in
addition, I can go back to the midwife for the next one, hopefully deliver at
home, and if nothing else, I'm sure I can find another backup doctor. It's not that
Dr. Broadbent is bad, he is a wonderful doctor and I'd recomend him to anyone, it's just a little hard to warm up to the guy who told
you your baby is dead.
So, we have some closure, and I'm feeling much better, and trying to get back to work. Wish me luck and sanity, folks, 'cause I'm going to need it.