Saturday, April 25, 2009

This is going to be a dead baby post

So if you are easily depressed, I won't be too offended if you choose to skip it.

Shortly after Emersen was born, I expressed the (to me very understandable) sentiment that I wished I had died, it hurt so much. Everyone around me, panicked, rushed to reasure me that no, I was much better off alive, as if I had died, too, I would miss so much, particularly that I would miss so many things with Elspeth. Her graduation. Her wedding. Nobody realized, I think, that I had already missed all those things with Emersen, and so much more... her birth (the drugged, traumatic ten hours I got does not count), nursing her, changing her diapers, teething, everything. Parents do not realize how lucky they are to stay up all night with a screaming, colicy, teething baby. It is a gift from God, and I missed it all. Today I'm missing her second birthday, and it hurts pretty bad.

Happy birthday baby. I love you.


Scott and Jen Driggs said...

Hi Kim,

I just want you to know that I think about you and this experience quite often. I know that you have experienced one of the most heart wrenching things that any mother can experience in this life. I know that there is nothing that can be said or done to take the hurt or longing away...just know that I think of your little one often and I cherish the thought that we will meet her someday. I also know that grief is a very real and almost tangible emotion...I hope that you have a circle of support that you can count on. You are entitled to your feelings and to grieve for those moments that you have thing that helped me through a very sad time in my life was the serenity prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

I know that you and I haven't spent much time together, but I truly do think about you all and especially at this time.

Love, Jen

Anonymous said...

I just want to say Hi to Everyone!

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